Monday Morning Confessions: Perfectly Imperfect

The title of this post is not entirely accurate mainly because while it is Monday, it is no longer morning. But since it is Monday and I’m too lazy to come up with something different, the title stays.

Remember back in March when I wrote this post? It was my failed attempt to kick start the blog again. Unfortunately it was short lived. After months of feeling not so great, I was finally starting to feel a little better. Normal even. I thought I was ready to share my imperfections with you, but I wasn’t quite there. You see, at the end of last year life threw me a major (and very unexpected) curve ball that shook me to my core. I love that quote from The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel when Sonny (Dev Patel) says, “Everything will be all right in the end… if it’s not all right then it’s not yet the end.” This has become my mantra because at the end of last year I was feeling anything but all right. Thankfully, even though it felt like it at the time, it was not the end.

Just after Thanksgiving I suffered a devastating miscarriage that rocked me to my core. I was already past the dreaded first trimester when it happened and everything had been going perfectly until that point so it caught me completely off-guard. I could hardly drag myself out of bed, so blogging (or even turning on the computer) was the last thing on my mind. To make a long story short I had a hard time getting back into the blog because I couldn’t bring myself to write about bright and shiny things when everything I was feeling was dark and gritty and I was afraid that if I wrote about what I was going through and what I was feeling, you might not want to come back anymore.

David decided that we all needed a change of scenery so he planned a month long European road trip. We had our little adventure last month and it was exactly what I needed to get my groove back. I rehashed my sorrows with my lovely friend Csilla who had a similar experience a few years back. I laughed and I cried and I bonded with people that I love. It was one of the best vacations I have ever had and I will cherish the memories forever (expect to hear more about it in the days and weeks to come). It also gave me the encouragement I needed to share with you once again. I have been avoiding revealing my heartache with you because I was afraid you might not like visiting if things weren’t light and happy. David helped me see that I was being ridiculous. He said that my blog didn’t anything other than a voice: My voice.

So there you have it: My Monday morning (err…afternoon) confession is that I disappeared for a while because I was sad and I was afraid to share the not so shiny parts of my life with you, but I’m not (quite so) afraid anymore. I hope that you’re having a happy Monday and I look forward to sharing my perfectly imperfect life with you in the future.